you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
