I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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