My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Randomize
