their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
