I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
You smell like stripper and shame
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
