Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
