There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
There's always time for handjobs
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Let the clothes fall where they may.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
