pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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