Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
