you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
