That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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