She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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