Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Randomize
