You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
