So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
