just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
