At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Come share oat with me in your robe
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
