is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
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Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
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Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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