The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
