Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
