apparently the secret to your success is patron
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
