we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
