your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
