Did you just see the Batmobile???
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
