Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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