my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
