Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
