at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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