Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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