he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
