his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
