Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
