Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
