In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize