In the future we'll all be gay
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
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