hotel room ftw
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
