I faked an abortion last night.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
