The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize