PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
