I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
