the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Randomize
