Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
