im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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