FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
