wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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