Your face is a jimmy john
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
That was before I lit my hair on fire
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
