I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
