I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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