I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
