We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
