I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
