just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
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think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
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I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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