Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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