Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
