i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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