Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
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Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
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