bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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