So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
