I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
