i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
he puts the penis in happiness.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
