Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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