I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
