It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
