My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
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