Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
