I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
