his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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