i need an iv and a liver transplant
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize