On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
