It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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