I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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