I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
