I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
