Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
We are two peas in an std pod
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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