dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
