Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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