Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
