I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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