He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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