Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize