Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
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