I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
