btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
