you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
